steadfast mama

New photos and update

2007-02-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Scott and i are doing real well out here in sacto. We've experienced so much grace and have great hope for all that is to come. Scotts last visit to the O.R. went as the surgeon expected. The top fracture is healing well and shouldn't need a graft. If the bottom fracture won't heal in time for the scheduled surgery in the begining of March he'll have a plate put in on top of it, with a graft behind. This leaves a possibility for one day removing the plate. After that surgery we can expect at least one more, but we don't know when, to remove the hardware thats left... the 6 pins and remaining 4 bolts. So maybe by next winter he'lll be up and snowboarding. Seriously though, its a good thing this winter has been super weak in Tahoe, hes pretty upset about missing a whole season. Funny, i thought i'd be the only one who ever had that happen. All those years i was prego and nursing, etc. I think that totaled like 4 seasons! I'm not bitter. I treasure those years and memories of my teeny weeny kids that are now so big and wild. Anyways... keep those prayers goin' up and we'll see if scott doesn't need surgery afterall! Love you guys, devon

2006-12-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

an old family photo...

2006-08-14T20:06:00.000-07:00

my b day, plus an update

2006-08-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well, hotel life suits us well, and the most likely thing is that we'll be in a homey home home this week. Tomorrow we look at a lovely little high water bungalow with the typical two bedroom one bath layout. But this one'll have a fireplace and thats gotta be a keeper. Can you believe our farmers insurance has had us look at 4 places that should be suitable, but are'nt. I've gotten props from friends for sticking to my guns, and i will wait this out til the right house comes along. Sam is ready and i bet P is ready too. She is this all new creature and i keep guessing why shes so fussy and illcontent. She got weened this week, she lives out of various hotels, she even has to wear pull up diapers sometimes, because we have to run home to our old house for her size and thats an ordeal. The kids are'nt allowed in there. Not because of asbestos, but because of the ash and i guess the lead paint. An environmenal crew will come tomorrow to give us a bid on safely removing our old lead paint. Which was only on the trim, under the new paint from a year ago. UPDATE!!! Sammy just said mommy we need a new house. He does not even know what i've been writing about here, its just whats on everybodies mind. Hes seen all 4 denied houses and hopefully i can stop saying, "we're going to go see see our new house, MAYBE". These kids are troopers though. And i feel the love from all my friends and family. Plus, yesterday i feel like the word that was shared at cccp (CAPITAL CITY CHURCH INT.) was especially pertinent to me and my sitch.
Here i'll end. I think i've lost my train of thought, but i'm all good and the kids ill be fine, and scott is my superhuman husband who thinks of and does it all. Blessings all.

our house burnt up... a little

2006-08-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Well, that title says it, but there are many details. Two nights ago we smelled whst we thought was something baking or possibly incense burning. Turns out thats what insulation smoldering in your attic smells like. It did catch fire to a couple of joists, and so there was finally a wood burning scent that got us evacuated and calling the fire dept. We've been hotel bound sinve, and this could be for the long haul, but we just don't know how long. Do call us for details and we'll go into it. Love you all.

Joy turned the big 30, we partyed like pirates

2006-07-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Yo ho yo ho, the pirates life for us! This was a fun day, a hot day, a great day. Joy turned thirty which is the new twenty. We were at Lake Natoma, pretty nice, with lots of ducks and duck poo, but no matter, the kids were all over that lake. And it was at least 100 degrees. I think Camilla would say that it was like 38 degrees. The hottest shes ever felt, although she was'nt at this party, but i thought i'd throw that little tidbit in there. She ate her very first pb and j sandwich at my house, and she liked it. Sacramento, her new home is full of delightful new things. After that 1st pb and j she had at least one more the next day, she really likes em. So i'm thinking of her because she is these days showing scott all around her city, Oslo. It sounds like its been wonderful. Clean with a capital C and old and incredible. Scotts been swimming in a fjord and touring the marina and ancient wooden ships, and of course he eats everyday at, get this, 7-11. Why? The food is taxed as all get out. He has discovered these baguettes at 7-11 that cost 30 crowns, which is about 5 bucks, and i guess they are very good. Who could've thought? But he'll be home soon, and i'm spending my last few days without him at the very lovely home of Mrs. Sara Crompton. She cooks fantastic food, she bleaches my hair, she tours me around her town. Tomorrow the beach, tomorrow night a girls night, maybe find a desert diner or something special. We are loving this time and trying to figure out how i might move here. Would scott find enough work? Are the houses even within our reach? Sam said he'd move here in a heartbeat! He kept saying heartbeat and was so excited. I had said it first but he picked up on it right away. That little guy steals my heart and makes me fall in love with him more everyday. I love him, if i was on Oprah i would jump up and down just like Tom Cruise did over Katie Holmes. That guy might be just a little kookie, all that scientology... we should pray for that family. Well, this was a random blog but i think i was getting distracted every time bella would get another piece of plain bread out of the fridge. Not that i needed to keep track, but she ate three pieces and i know this because she'd come and eat them over me and the computer. These Crompton girls are delicious, and darling. Each so different and i just love em. I don't know how to sign off here, but i will. Til later, hopefully sooner. Love you all.

2006-07-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

2006-07-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

So, i know i know, i have'nt been writing here. Its mostly that i don't feel creatively inspired to do it, and i am busy and occupied beyond words. Alright, i do look at everyone elses blogs pretty much every day, and i'm a happy and content commenter. But here goes.... I'll jump around a little to catch you all up.
Looks like scottys going to norway on saturday and thats some pretty big news to report here, also we are finally getting down to see Sara and family at the end of the month.
You all probably know that we've been a two family household for the last two weeks (or more?). Its been real good and its been bad a little. I have NEVER cussed so much in my head ever before these last weeks, and i always have to think, i'm the adult, i'm the adult. It just gets DESPERATE sometimes. But 1/2 an hour later we're all chillin and better and maybe we catch our breath.
Candace is a strong angel and her kids are amazing little sprites. Subria says the funniest things, some picked up in India, some just because of the words she uses. Like if you ask her did she do something she might say I wouldn't know. Is that not so silly and cute? She makes us laugh a lot. India is a love and has this huge thing for shoes. Way cute. Then theres my darling babies. Sams imagination is growing daily and he'll sit with maybe two trucks and they will be talking to eachother. When i first noticed this i would grab a pen and paper and write it down, so we can laugh about it when hes big. One session went like this... "I want to go in the house" Why "Betause" Why "I too told out here" Otay. (C's sound like T's these days) This conversation was with just one truck on his lap, it could have been that his imaginary friends were together outside the truck, when one wanted in. If only you could hear his little voice, you all would be tickled. Now Patience, she is a baby with a heart of PURE GOLD! Not just gold, we're talking 24 karat. She sometimes gets roughed up by bigger kids, maybe scratched or bit or something. These things make her very sad, but she never comes away from it changed. The other day Eowyn came to visit and P had the chance to pick on someone smaller, you know it could happen, because what has she been learning from kids bigger than her? But no, she just wanted to LOVE the baby to the point of obsession. Kissing and kissing and hugging and coming around behind and trying to lift her under her arms. All very carefully and very lovey. I was so proud and admiring and eowyn liked it for a long long time. Patience is gonna be a good mama to her baby dolls and a great babysitter one day.
Now, I'll end with this. We are all doing as best we can and the days just fly by, so if you think that you could never live in a 1 bedroom home that is maybe 650 sq. ft with four adults and four kids that take up more space in a room than four adults, Trust us, it can be done. Candace has a good even temper and without her taking things as they come with good humor, i could'nt be doing as well as i am. Jared and Scott also handle themselves well and at least i keep my bad words in my head. I am not proud of that, so you can pray for me. We'll see if maybe i write some more soon, but if not just call me on my hoaky phone and when scott goes to norway, call me on the cell, or i'll call you.

the fourth a year ago on tank hill in the city with friends!

2006-07-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

Chillin in the front yard

2006-06-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

Chillin here in the front yard is a little bit of lifes best. It used to be that Ed and Renee and a couple of dreamy little girls would have dinner out here nearly every night. Of course there was todd and curtis, too. Those were some good times, as any of us would readliy admit. Tonight its me and elena curtis scott kenny camilla and a couple of hhodlum boys we adore and two angel girls who light up our lives. We had fireworks this evening courtesy of scott and those were beyond exciting and fun. i don't even know what they're called but each one was quite the show. then elena busted out some sparklers for each boy and they loved em. I would miss these days so much if we did'nt have them. But i can see this being a very long wonderful summer. Its not even so hot right now. Did elena not even have her a/c on all day? I did just because the oven was going for 1.5 hours for some nice turkey breasts and potatoes. I think what i have to do about the oven is cook with a crock pot on the back porch. That is a solution that could backfire thouh. Tonight the boys were in the backyard playing and when they were quiet for too long we checked on them and they'd been in Todds room smearing toothpaste on his sliding glass door and pulling camillas migraine pills out of her overnight bag! Very naughty for sure. So we can only imagine what molten crock pot goodies would be like if our action adventure boys got ahold of it. Well i am content in Sacramento and who cares if i live here forever as long as my good friends are nearby and the ones who are'nt promise to return one day. I love you all and hope for special times to come in my front yard. We have plans for a sweeeet barbeque here come fourth of July. We'll catch the works from cal expo down by the railroad tracks and it should be perfect. As long as this nice 90's weather continues i see no problem with continuing these good outdoors times. Ooh, we even want to do a little bonfire pit and have marshmellows (not for me or elena of course) and hot dogs on sticks. Our neighbors don't know what hit em.

Am i in the Swiss Alps?

2006-06-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

I just might be, and these could be all american/canadian tourists speaking english around me. This is the nicest date i've ever taken myself on. Today is Sams birthday, and here i am. Enjoying coffee with cream and splenda and nutmeg cinnamon and vanilla on top. The temperature is perfect and the view is what makes me think of the alps. In front of me is the enormous rock face of a towering mountain, wit a gondola about to start running up it. One that we will soon be on, to get us up to the heated lagoon swimming pool and ice rink etc. From there we'll be looking down on Tahoe. The Lake. Chuck, scotts dad, said to me two days ago, when i said we should go to the lake, "which lake"? I started laughing! I told him i'd be writing that in my blog and he blushed. Too funny. Well, i am off to finish up this last chapter of the pelican brief and then back to the fam up in our chalet. Ta ta (or something that a european might say).

Squaw Valley

2006-06-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

Squaw Valley. Ahh! This is a little bit of everything nice all in one place. My first thought at seeing it with no snow was, this is like a mini Yosemite Valley. The meadow in the middle is so beautiful, and all these crazy rock faces and huge ski mountains that jump up all around it are stupendous! And the air here! Its got to be the freshest tastiest cleanest air ever. Being a mountain girl for life, i am partial to mountain air. I will definately post pics when i get home. The kids are loving all the attention from grandma and pa pa. I am certainly learning to relax again. I may even find some good book Levi and Jesse thoughtfully stock up on to read out on the balcony with the fabulous view. So thats it for now, theres too much to enjoy outside for me to sit blogging.

Plateaus and Friendship

2006-06-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, the plateau is here. And hopefully its not to stay for long. All i want is to stay on track with losing 4 pounds a week. But i may have to settle with 2. That can't be so bad. I'll just have to adjust my thinking and go forward as always. I have not eatten one single treat or dessert and have even kept my fruit to a minimum for 30 days. Today is day 30! That is something and i'm just looking forward to seeing months go by like this. 'Til my addiction to dessert everyday and sugar in every cup of joe and no self denial is way far behind me. A thing of the past. Do you know how easy its been, though? So easy, until day 28. Then it felt like i could hardly keep myself from a snack between my every three hour meals. I did . But, Why? I think this time i'm going to chalk it up to emotions. With Renee moving i feel like i'm losing part of my family. Shoot, i spend more time with her and Adora and Chloe during a regular week than i do with my husband. That girl has become my closest friend and i think we don't keep anything back from eachother and live so openly that i'm going to be losing a sister. We have had all that a good relationship needs to flourish. To begin with we don't live in some dreamland where 'its all good'. You know. We have had to apologize to eachother over grievances, we've cried, been in similar boats with our children and husbands, we've mostly laughed at funny stuff and enjoyed many meals and sunny days and a few Rubios tacos. actually, probably dozens of tacos. I wish i could really share how i love that girl right here. But i think she knows. All i can say is if any of you gets a chance to hang with this girl like i have don't let it get by you. She is a jewel and i mean that in a hundred different ways. My Proverbs 31 friend! I love you Renee. i will miss you in the biggest way, until you come back. Then i will hope to live right near you again.

2006-06-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

2006-06-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well, i am writing today with not a lot on my mind. I think i've really got it good though. After reading Saras blog i'm like whoa! This is a life that i am happy to live. Close friends all around even if they do have to move a bit after we've gotten really close, and gotten to know eachother like we never did before. And more close friends moving near who i have loved and missed for a long time. Scott is my rock of a husband who will be finishing his Redding job next week (i'm crossing my fingers here, which makes it difficult to type, and i'm no good at typing to begin with, a sort of hunt and peck motion while useng like to fingers and a thumb). He'll be down in time for P girls birthday and his parents arrival from Michigan. Which i have to remind everyone is'nt a midwest state. Its part of the Great Lakes Region. Ha Ha! i wonder if all Michiganders know this? We are very excited about many things these days. Sams birthday is next week. last night when he was upset about going to bed (AT 10 O'CLOCK!)
all i had to do was start whispering about his birthday and grammy and pa pa flying out and chocolate cake and balloons and chuck e. cheese and he quieted down to listen and together we caught the excitement bug. Oh yeah and we whispered about Scotts new motorcycle. He got it yesterday. I made him get a yellow helmet, but the bike is black and he said that because he got a smallish one, it will one day be mine and he'll get the big one he really wanted. Yeah right! I manned my own jet ski last year. A very safe one that cannot tip over. That was enough for me to know that i will be a passenger, no problem, but i don't like how out of control i feel when i'm the one giving the power. It DOES NOT sound like me now does it? With children, and wisdom, i have become someone who does'nt jump off 65 foot cliffs, and who does'nt like the idea of massively powerful motorcycles under my control. Who would have thought?
Um, what else? Now i guess i have my whole diet thing to be thrilled about. 14 pounds lost in 24 days. No world record, but it has all been done the right way. Earlier i read that to sustain myself at about 160 pounds i'd need 2400 calories a day, and to lose weight i'd need about 800 less than that. All i know is that i stopped counting calories over a week ago because i am totally in tune with what my meals should look like. I know when i should eat them and i know what i've given up is something that i never needed in the first place. Its funny how my body is on the slow adjustment track, while my mind is on the fast track. I wish that people could already see the results, because that will be massively encouraging. But maybe when scott comes home he'll see. And guess who else is thinning out? Samuel. I think he just grew an inch and his tummy is like a little boy tummy now. Its all these veggies i'm feeding him. Actually he ate a corn dog for lunch, a frozen corn dog! But everyday he eats his salad greens and toamtoes and does'nt mind maushrooms and zuccini in his eggs. I could'nt be more thankful. And when i do my weight lifting and stretches hes right there imitating me. So cute.
Well thats that and i am all around thankful for every one of my friends, whether they're moving close, or one day will be...JUST KIDDING! Hope to see everyone soon.

2006-05-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm dripping with motivation, things are looking good

2006-05-31T20:29:00.000-07:00

Here we are in the perfect not too warm nearly summer sunshiny days of a Sacramento spring. Today was an odd one where Samuel did'nt sleep from 2-5. So what do you do with a kiddo at about 3:30 in the afternoon when the pool opened down the street last weekend? GO! Yay. We got there and met some friendly kids who were waitting for them to open the doors at 4. Then our friends from capital city church international show up. mary and her three kids and due with the 4th in three weeks. These guys are so fun and sweet and i just see pleasant Holy Spirit love all over them. She did'nt wear her suit but totally sat on the edge and let sam hang onto her wet skirt while he would'nt even grab my shorts at all. But hes a fish and i think he thought he could do like the older boys and be all over the place. He did'nt do anything too scary for my nerves, but he will probably be swimming in the next year or so. then theres Patience who blows me away all over the place. Today she was not freaked at all even when we first went in and it was pretty cold til we could adjust. The whole time she was wanting to be pulled all around to get up on the edge and then jump back to me again. I am super blessed with such daring kids. I think that we could'nt be luckier. i would go on and on about her right now but i could probably catch you all up on my success at dieting with the time i have left before we put on The Family Stone at 9.
I have stuck with every last thing i've made my mind up to do. No sweets. No eatting after 6 at the latest. 4 meals a day that are about 3 hours apart. 8 minutes in the morning of light weight lifting and resistance training. And now i'm looking for tips all over the place. Like yesterday i read some good info on eatting most of my alotted calories earlier in the day and saving the lightest meal for last. Can you believe that tonight for dinner i had a bowl of soup that was 1 and a half cups and that did it. Maybe its because its my favorite soup in existence and maybe its because i made it so hot and had to eat it so slowly, but i was really satisfied. thats like dietese! satisfied... thats probably a word i never ever used until i started this new way of life. Like Christianese. Anyways, i feel good and hope that i keep losing 4 pounds a week, because that would be double what i thought i'd lose in a week. AND...That could put me at my goal by the end of JULY!! I sort of have a new goal beyond my first but it does'nt have a goal date or a threatening picture attatched to it. I want all my girls to be encouraged here and to know that what you come up with can work and it does'nt have to be unbeleivable, just reasonable. But now i'll get off my soapbox and say goodnight.

I am being realistic here

2006-05-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

So i got all excited by this beachbody website that guarantees in 90 days you can have the most excellent beach body imaginable. I BELIEVE IT!!! i do. i have seen their before and afters and Chrys and Jacob say it totally works. I would drop the cash and buy it right now, but i am realistic. I have done my weight lifting two days now and that is like 10 minutes with the stretching and how do my kids not let me do that but barely. So 30 minutes might be possible one day. when i put more thought into how i can distract them or pen them up or something. Maybe that day won't be far off. But now i'll give my 28 days (from the 8 minutes in the morn) their full run and if its not enough i'll go on to bigger and better (and probably a lot harder) things. Oh my oh my. Its gotta be the best thing to happen when Elena and both Renees got this plan going. I have the support that every weight loss plan says is its secret. Stoked!!!!

This is how it is

2006-05-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today is an eye opener to how this new life style is going to feel. It feels GREAT! I woke up after a sort of restless night. P went to bed with a fever and then woke up three times wanting milk and that was fine, because she could have not wanted to eat and then i would have been concerned. I finally gave her ib profen and that let her sleep without waking til 7:30. Plus the fever seemed to go away. Sam slept well and maybe because daddy told him to sleep in for me he did sleep til 7. So these are good things, but what feels really great is how lifting weights has given me some energy that came out of nowhere. All i did were 4 sets of 12 reps of dumbell presses above my chest (while lying down), and two-arm rows while leaning (forward in a chair). I also did stretches after that were maybe controversial in my home. Sun Salutations is what they're called. I guess they are part of any normal yoga routine, but i'm doing them to the glory of God, and i think they are perfect. The book that i read is by Jorge Cruise and he suggests three stretches that are all contained within a sun saute and that just made me think of doing one of those insted. So now i ate breakfast and feel like going for the day with a new life in me. Like now sitting does'nt sound like fun. A walk would be really nice. I would Love a bike ride. So now P is awake again and i'll get her and we'll probably all go if shes feeling ok. I hope that this is a motivator for my friends and i also hope to keep reporting on my progress so i can see over time where i started from and be proud. On a side note. Eatting every 3 hours works beautifully and i feel like at every part of my day i am fueling my body and not doing what i'm used to. Which was normally eat so i have the pleasure of the taste and of feeling really full and so on. Anyways, i am excited and ready to go go go.

2006-05-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

How sad for poor me...

2006-05-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

Just Ed getting home to his ecstatic wife and me right behind her saying is scott here wheres scott did he come home too. All with this wild leaping heart and huge smile. No, not scott. Kenny dropped off Ed on his way to the city to give Camilla this happy wild feeling that shes been waitting for all week. And then i plummet and get mad and everything that had made me so happy moments before seems dull and then i call scott to give him a piece of my mind (because Ed said scotts staying through the weekend), but his phone puts me directly to voicemail. So sad. Especially because Sam ran to the door to see the Ershbocks embrace and heard me excited about Daddy and then the aforementioned letdown....I think i'm over it now though. We had a little puking all over the couch and blanket and his clothes and my clothes incident soon after the big letdown, and then into the bath and now a cartoon and back to my comforting cup a joe that i gave up yesterday but can't go without for this minor stress level increase. Whats 60 calories anyways. Maybe we'll walk to the farther park today.
Slight interuption just there. Scott called and i knew it was him so i did'nt care if it was'nt and i answered 'this better be scott'. It was and boy am i glad because who wants to call someone and hear that!! But do you know that because i'd been writing, and sort of releasing right here, on my way to get the phone i resolved to share love only and be a good girl. The cruelest thing i had to say was 'this better be scott'. After that i said how i felt like a huge wind was let out of my sail and like a balloon who'd been popped. He said he was sorry and the phone has'nt worked since it died in the middle of our last conversation last night. But he used Todds phone and will call again after 9 tonight because then its free. Then i wanted to tell him about Sam and our phone conversation inexplicably died and i don't have Todds number so thats that. Oh, he did say hed come home tonight or tomorrow night. Thats a big difference in my book, but i'm once again excited. I always do better with a little bit of a plan. But now i gotta figure out if Sam is better and i should get him out into the fresh air, or if hes still unwell and needs some more couch recovery. i feel better anyways, as long as i don't get sick it should be a fine day.

getting down to it last night

2006-05-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

Well when i did get down to it last night i've really been consuming on average 1400 calories. I had left out counting the 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee and some other things i don't remember now. But i'm giving 1/2 and 1/2 the boot and also will cut back in the milk department with 1% instead of 2 and Renee and i figure that salad dressing is very fatty and contains tons of calories and could be replaced with other tasty flavors.
Oh my goodness! Last night i could'nt find the take a 'picture on a timer' option on my camera so i decided to take footage. It was terrible. On my way to get in front of the camera you could see me from behind and that was bad but not the worst. How is that my head up on top of this body. I guess we've been going without a full size mirror for some time and now i'm way freaked. But i will be sticking with my plan, and as soon as i get someone to take the picture, or else find the right option on my camera off it'll go to Elena. But last night i was wearing a 2 piece and that will be an absolute no go next time. Good wake up call for me but still embarassing enough in a 1 peice.
Well, i guess you all wonder why i don't write my mommy stuff here and figure out another blog for this. I tried to do that and did'nt know how. I will find some help next door though and then you can just look for my updates by linking to that blog.
I love all the support this is generating and i am on the track to becoming someone who could be in front of a camera rather than only behind. And maybe i'm holding out hope for an anniversary trip to some fun water spot. October 27th will be 5 years married to the best man there is.

be warned, this is mostly about my new diet

2006-05-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

So i am on the low calorie band wagon and i have chosen the 3 hour diet to get me to my goal of *132* lbs by October 15th. The 3 hour diet is like this, as far as i know without reading the book... You must eat within one hour of waking up. Every 3 hours after that you eat a small meal, like clockwork. Seriously, you can like set a timer if you have to. Last of all, you stop eatting 3 hours before bed. So do you wonder what my two days have been like since i've begun? In one word...Successful! I do have to be really intentional about this whole thing but it seems to be just up my alley. The meals are like; a bowl of cereal to begin with (measured out exactly, because i've been known to go overboard on bowls of cereal.) 3 hours later 1/2 a pita with homemade hummus (like 1/2 a cup) 3HL an open faced pulled pork sandwich with veggies on the side. 3HL a big salad with tomatoes cheese egg lunch meat all rolled up... This is gonna work and because last fall iread dr. phils book i already know about portion size so my 1st day, without counting, i completely stayed within my 1200 and less calorie range. With breat feeding i should begin to lose 2 pounds a week and hopefully i will get some excercise in besides all the mom type excercise, i.e. walking to the park, chasing two toddlers around the house and yard, leisurely walks with husband and close friends. I'd like to join curves but i don't see how i could. Weight training needs to happen for sure. Will my skin ever forgive the weight i've gained and go back to normal?
So all that blah blah blah and now the exciting part. Me and elena and the renees were in need of a motivating factor in all of this and since we are all not rich in material goods i thought maybe i had a solution. I saw it once on 20/20 or some such show. These people all had to get their photos taken by a professional in their bikinis and speedos. They then had to lose 20 pounds or so by a certain date and if they did'nt meet their goal then their photos would show up on 20/20 for the whole world to scrutinize. Needless to say they all did it. Who would'nt with a threat like that? If anyone evr saw me in a bikini today i think i'd cry. If all my friends saw me in one i'd be mortified and could probably not show my face. So now you see what i'm getting at. You would do anything to keep those photos from ever seeing the light of day.
Today i'm going to take a picture of myself. Not in a bikini, because then i'd probably make people puke if they had to see it. But then again no one will ever see it anyways so why not go for it? And then the stakes are even higher. I will then email this photo to elena who has helped me set up my blog and knows my password. And i will swear her to never looking at that email unless oct. 15th arrives with me not having met my goal. And i will let her post it to my blog. I myself will also post it on myspace and then i'll crawl under a rock and die.
You see now how this works? IT WORKS!!!!!!! I will work. It will be hard and i am up for this challenge! Even when the initial excitement wears off i'll still have my very good friends to keep me accountable and this photo.
Hopefully you all will not think that this is all my blog will be about now. It won't be. But i'll keep up with the updates and we'll see....

2006-05-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

My first experience with a pushy doctor

2006-05-10T15:31:00.000-07:00

So today is the day that i was looking forward to for a week. Even longer actually. I've been wanting to get the kids to the doctor because people always ask "how much do your kids weigh, have you had them vaccinated, what percentile are they in?" This is mostly their grandparents, but also others at times.
I was excited that this doctor was only 4 blocks away and then it all crashed down on me in the waitting room. I was early to the appt. and got a good look at what i was in for. No toys for the kids to play with. The only thing they wanted to do was climb under the glass coffee table that i could tell was a danger to them. I could just picture my beautiful little Patience underneath and then Sam crashing something down on top while she is cut into a million pieces. Then every face is completely unsmiling and ununderstanding. So it takes them forty five minutes to see us. This whole time my weeks worth of excitement is carrying me through. This is the appointment that i have anticipated because sam will get his ears checked and that is the springboard to his getting recommended to a speech pathologist. But back to the appt. The nurse was lovely and we found out that P weighs 19 pounds and Sam a whopping 36. Which is 2 less than i thought either of them to be. Which hopefully means that i am 2 less also. Then off to room 5. The usual questions as to why i'm there and i say its just to have their eyes ears mouths checked. No i don't want any vaccinations. Yes i've done my research and i've made an informed decision with my husband and am confident that its the right choice. So exit the nurse and enter the doctor. He says right off that he'll be insisting on the polio vacs and then i say no then he says he must give P a hep b and i say no. Then he says he cannot be responsible for my choices and won't be able to see my kids. I say that will be fine with me and will he please just generally check the kids and he does and says the're in perfect health and don't need to be seen for a year. Then my next request is a hearing test and he says no, Sam would'nt sit through it and anyways if my concern is his speech that'll all naturally come together when he enters school. By now what should i expect. I was ready to go, and he was ready for me to go. But do you think i was ever unkind this whole time, or freakishly uneasy? Scott would probably guess that i was. Even possibly bad and irrational. I admit that there are times when i would have, could have, been. But not today. I counted this visit a loss and was only gentle and firm and nice and thats that. So now i still want sam to see the speech pathologist. Not that i think he has a disorder, maybe just a delay. But i am no professional, and they say that a mom/dad would be the one who has a feeling if something is'nt quite right. Anyways, more on this when we take him and that is still exciting to me. He is so eager to learn and when we practice things he really gets them. I just want more tools to help him get words out right. He sees a shool bus and says "momma, want to go to school". Too precious! He thinks that school is like this carnival we went to at Levi and Jesses school. With a gazillion games and prizes and food and 10 suckers! What do you all think about various schools. In MI i saw a christian montessori school. That'd be cool. I would love for him to get spanish from day one. I could also see homeschool, but i am so anti social that i don't think i'd get him around as many kids as he'd like. Anyways, if you never get to the end of this days blog i understand and if you did and expect me to write like this often, i probably won't. But twas a good little time i've had. Now off to call my hubby who is still out of town.

So i have'nt written til now, but i've been storing up.....

2006-05-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here after a good day, and a long day. On the way to church scott says, babe i've done some real thinking on this and i want to marry your cousin. (we've been watching Big Love while we still have cable) and one night last week i had a dream that he was marrying my cous rebekah and that i was going to be there on their honeymoon. But then he said, just kidding, he wanted to say that we ought to have another kid right away........or else!!! But really he meant that if we don't get all our kids out soon, and we wait five years, then we'll be fifty with teens still in the house. then i said, what about adoption. We could fix our fertility permanently then adopt a five year old in five years and we won't have the fifty year old with kids trouble. And we'll still have that semi big family that so many people say is fabulous! So sounds good, and we have'nt decided for sure, but i Do Not want to be all prego for awhile, even possibly for good. And i don't think its selfish, just using some wisdom here. My kids get as much of me as i have. Plus, i've always thought about this one, what about when i want to take these guys to Disneyland? And flights back to MI? I am way blessed with a boy and a girl and i can really see this being enough. Especially with scott saying its either right away or not at all.
Back to the rest of what made today a good un'. Oh my goodness!!! If any of you really knows me you know that i ADORE architecture and all homes of mystery. Homes that i'd walk by a hundred times in the city and just want to see inside, that hold me so much in awe....Today scott and me and the kids went up to the mountains, to Alta, wher Jesse Benkerts dad lives. It was beautiful on the way and then we get there and this house thats scotts putting a bid on is a crazy great victorian, on some exquisite property that i fall instantly in love with. the dog woods all in bloom and the bees just buzzing everywhere in delight. Inside, this house was insane! It was only filled wit hantiques. Hidden nooks and doors and stairs galore! I felt like a little girl! A dream home if there ever was one for me. A wrap around porch, an enclosed porch, the works!!!!! I just am realizing that Jesse is probably going to read this and she has partaken in the wonder of this home and hopefully will comment about its greatness. Also, the whole experience was summed up in what her son Nikkolai had to say about the hopes of having a certain holidCy there. Christmas! He wants to have Christmas at Big Grandpa (PaPa's?) house. The perfect perfect home for a picturesque Christmas. I will absolutely post pictures if scott gets the job and we spend more time up there. there is the off chance that i'll one day be invited to this home for say.......an unnamed Holiday? Just kidding, but it was lovely and i'm sooo rambling. Good day, anyways, just plain nice to be with my fam and all.

2006-04-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

Today is good and i am formulating a plan to see dozens of friends, a few of which i will hardly get to see for possibly years to come. I will go to redding next week and see Sheri and Andrew on their way east and as many other friends as is possible with two kids who have separate nap times that amount to 5 hours of my day. P sleeps from 8:30 to 10:30, Sam from 1 to 4, P from 3 to 5 Then everyone is in bed again at 7:30. How my friends will fit in will be a wonder. But heres the best part. My VERY BEST friend is in redding, too. SCOTT SCHULTHEIS!!! Can you believe that we see eachother twice a week plus only twice in the last TWO weeks. Woe is me. Woe is scott really though. I think i work hard? (i do) But all this crazy house renovation is major hard work. Thank you Lord. We are glad for this work and believe that there will be some closer to home from here on out. Gotta go and get sam out to pee now, yay!!

2006-04-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

i won't be erasing this one.....i hope!

2006-04-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

Renee says that you all love me. I could easily say, no, why do people love me. BUT, i so love all of you that i could'nt make small your love when i know it is something that is great and priceless and valuable and has been dependable for years, even if i have'nt tapped into it for some time. Heres the thing, i am feeling sorry for my anti-social self and i can't drown out my pain in crystal light or diet coke so.....i get it in my head that this is all very hard. Here in sac, wher it was so hot today that sam was most of the time naked and P was in her diaper. Of course i have 50 outfits i'd like to see on her, but it must have been 85 at least. Which will seem like winter when its 111 this june. And that is my big depresser...thinking of this summer. But before you think that i suck i'll tell you that my solution was immediately fathomed and it is this. I will decide to love this heat. I am going to embrace it like it was favorite thing. If only i looked good in a tube top! Dude, i'd be all over one of those! But this stomach will never see the light of day! I'm so serious. Unless i get skinny and Scott said he'd let me get the old tummy tuck! But like i said, this tummy is never going to see....
Well. Did yiu notice that i called her P. Thats who she is half the time in my mind. I tried making it Pea, like anne with an e in the green gables books, but i think its straight P. I love her full name more than any other girl name, don't get me wrong, and she won't be Patia or Pay, although i've considered these. So Sam is saying his name now, but it sounds like San, which is so ok with me, because today is the first time i ever got him to say it, besides maybe 1/2 a year back when he said Wam. Since then he just has'nt. Til i intriduced the ol' m and m. Why did'nt i think of that sooner. And back to San, hes always been Sam Bernadino to me, so why not accuracy. San Bernadino. Oh i love this boy more than words.
And now about my garbage digger! She is such a big girl, walking out of the kitchen with an empty bottle of merlot, a good vintage at that. No, she did'nt drink any, but there is no way to keep her out of the recycling trash compost....
Well, i am rich in kid life and broke in social life. But i know you all are out there, and when i think of who i am missing, so many names come to mind, like litlle popcorn in the microwave that keeps popping even after the dinger goes off. Love.

2006-04-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

first post with a little help from my friend

2006-03-31T12:18:00.000-08:00

So elena and i are sitting in renee and eddie's house blogging. This is great. So we're gonna look for candace right now then i'll write some more.